Bar Jokes |
René Decartes walks into a bar. He stands there for a while, hemming and hawing, but he just can't make up his mind what he wants to drink. So the bartender asks, "You feel like a beer?" "I think not." answers Decartes, and he disappears. (I think, therefore I am. Get it?) |
A termite walks into a bar and asks, is the bar tender here? |
A guy is in a bar, and he goes up to the bartender and says, "I'll bet you $50 I can bite my eyeball. Well, the bartender looks a little dubious, but, hey, it's been a good night, he's got the money, so why not? "OK," he says. So the guy takes out his glass eye and bites it. "That wasn't really fair, was it?" says the guy, taking the bartender's money, "Tell you what, I'll give you a chance to get your money back. Double or nothin', I'll bet I can bite my other eye." Well, the bartender thinks about this for a moment, and he figures, the guy can't have two glass eyes, or he wouldn't be able to walk in here without a cane, or something, so he says, "Alright, you're on." So the guy takes out his false teeth, and bites his other eye. "OK." says the guy, as the bartender is forking out $100, "I'll tell you what. I'll bet you double or nothing, that I can put this shot glass down at this end of the bar, and spit from that end of the bar, and get every single drop in the glass." The bartender thinks again for a moment. After all, he's gotten burned twice now, but he figures, nobody can spit down the whole length of the bar, and not miss a drop. "OK," he says. So the guy goes down to the other end of the bar, while the bartender sets up the glass. The guy takes a moment to, then lets forth a mighty spray, and sure enough, it goes all over the place. The guy forks over the $200 and the bartender happily starts wiping off the bar. But then he notices that the guy is smiling. "What are you smiling about?" he asks warily. "You see those 5 guys over at that table? Well, I bet each one of them $100 that I could spit all over your bar, and you'd wipe it up smiling." |
A guy walks into a bar, pulls out a little miniature man and a miniature piano, and
sets them on the bar in front of him. "Wow!" says the bartender, "Where did you get that?" "Well, I was walking along the beach the other day, when I found this Genie in a bottle, who said he'd grant me a wish. I think he was hard of hearing, though, 'cuz he gave me a 12" pianist." --Submitted by Pookie-- |
Two drummers walk into a bar... Which is funny, because you'd think the second one would have seen the first guy do it. |